Wonder Why You're Moving But Go No Where

I am vewry tired. I have been the past couple of days, just dragging. My lovely bunkmate has been sick and coughing everywhere and CLOSING THE AIRVENT AGAIN!!! Its really hot in our barracks anyways but she has been closing it. Which is gross because it just turns into a breeding ground for germs. So gross. Not to mention its too damn hot to do that mess. The last two days have been really getting to me. I am so sick of wondering why I chose to come here and what I am gaining from this. But, I have been through things like this and it does come together, eventually...maybe. I'm sure it will. In the mean time, I just have to hold my head up. I don't feel as though the world is against me, but I'm so disappointed in the lack of loyalty this unit has to one another. People are too busy trying to gossip and turn against one another. For what? A big pissing contest? If it weren't for all of the "bad" people in my life though, the good ones just wouldn't seem so good. I have a few and they are just all my knights in shining armour. I'm very greatful. I just wish people were more human and less inhumane. People are just awful. I'm just very sleepy and not making much sense. So, I'm getting ready for bed soon. Goodnight blog world.

Stay With Me

I think its so crazy how people walk in and out of your life! Just catching up with some old college friends makes me think that. Anyways. BUT it is really cool also that somethings never change. Such as: how I crush my tacos to make nachos, how I feel right at home in the water and how I love hospitals. Of course, some things DO need to change. But some things just don't. I woke up at a delightful (not) 5:30am today. Shelby and I went to go swim laps today! I have to say, it made my life. I miss miss MISS the summer. And the water. It was just so nice. Even though I didn't sleep good, it didn't matter that much. Swimming puts me in a great mood. Went to work, which was gay, of course. Its soooo boringggg. Well at about 1400 one of the sergeants from my shop had to go to the TMC and ended up getting admitted because SGT was soooo dehydrated! But, I loved it, of course. Not because of WHY I was at the hospital, but because I got to be there and just see them working. It is fantastic. I just love hospitals, theres a lot of sad stuff but theres definitely a lot of great things. It really takes a certain person to work in a place full of sick people and be successful at it. So, that was my day pretty much. Actually, I made Rev come hit to me. He's a doll, I'm glad he did. I think he wanted to hit as much as I wanted to field though so it worked out. He kept saying, "I'm not Frame!" because I'm so used to the way Frame practices with me. Gosh I miss him! He's not going to be back until like Thursday =( thats almost 3 weeks! Boo! But, whats a few more days? Good God I'm so used to him being gone anyways. I'm still so glad Shelby is back. I had some really deep thoughts but I'm too tired to express them tonight =) Besides, they were a little sad, as they were about old relationships, both friendly and romantic. You just miss the old days sometimes, but, what good does it do to dwell on it? I'm just glad that I've ignored what was really bothering a few weeks ago. No combatives this week, they were full and are for a while! Boooo!!!!! Night y'all =)

Happy Saturday!

The office is thus far pretty quiet today, its nice. Came into my desk with a few new pens and an erasable highlighter! The "Easter Bunny" strikes again. Someone knows me well though! I got 2 apps for my iPod touch last night. I'm loving this thing more and more when I learn what it can do. Anyways, one is a medical terminology quiz and out of 23 I have 20 correct. Whoot! They're not easy either, I don't remember some of these! I listed to my MedPod cast last night on Pediatric Fever and it was good and comical, as it normally is. Shelby had me listen to a sermon on her iPod too, it wasn't bad, I just don't like the way that they are so convicting sometimes. I guess thats the right word for it, idk. I am really thinking pediatric care in the ER would be great for me. Its the best of what I think I would enjoy. Then again, there would be some sad cases I see. Pediatrics is soooo fun, its sad, but kids are so resilient, you know? Which is why its so much harder to lose a child than an adult it seems. Its just unfair, they are so young and innocent. Anywho, I really liked that PodCast, I love kids. I ran another 5k this morning and this is the most I've hurt after one. I think it was my slowest or 2nd slowest time also. Thankfully, I'm not really bent out of shape about it because I've attributed it to my new inserts. I am sure of it because my knees and shins hurt pretty bad right now but my breathing was ridiculous today. Seriously, so easy. I was able to carry on a conversation the whole run, too easy. I know that had I just run I would have not been able to go faster though because my legs were just hurting. I've been running more the past two weeks and I've gotten faster though, about a minute off my mile time. And I have seen no improvement in comfort of everything with those inserts. So it adds up for me, feet have gotten progressively worse so I'm throwing them out and going to try try try again, as they say. Frame should be back in like 3 days!!!! Its still weird, I'm used to him not being here and always with me. I miss him terribly though. Its perked up with Shelby back with Baird and I. Its like with us, the more of the 4 of us together, the better we bring out in one another. Baird and I had fun, but add Shelby and we're a really crazy bunch. Add Frame and we are just perfection, we all play off of one another so well! Softball tonight! Excited! We will probably loose, but eh. Who cares. I think I'll have fun. Combatives next week, hopefully. They changed the times to during the day, soooo its up to my bitchy E8, who is mad at me because I refused to go to the board today. Sorryyyyy. I can't believe I even let them talk me into it last time, its probably one of the worst Army experiences I've ever had. Seriously, I would do some obstacle courses again before I did a board again. If I could help it. I am going to close it up with another worthless survey thingy. I like them, they are fun =)
1. What I love most about my home is...
Its adorable and has character, its not a cookie-cutter home.

2. I'm excited because...
I have a softball game tonight and a half day today at work.

3. My preferred method for blowing off steam when I'm frustrated is...
Running. Nothing gets it out of me like running. But sometimes, I forget the wonders of what it does for my mood.

4. Currently I am craving...
Going out for a night and WEARING A DRESS!

5. The thing I love most about my mom is...
She cares about me more than I could ever realize. And NO ONE does laundry like her =)

6. If I was going to write a book about my life it would be titled...
Same thing as my blog probably, "With My Heart On My Sleeve" or "Hell On The Heart" or "She Ain't Right"
7. If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be...
TACOS! Or sandwhiches and chips.

Stuff...And Stuff

I have found that I have a hard time coming up with names for post sometimes. I like for them to be clever, but well, lets be honest, I'm not always so clever. Haha. Shelby is back, Shelby is back! She walked into my office with 2 weapons and 7 full magazines of ammo in her arms and I attacked her. I don't think I've been so excited to see someone in a while! Its just so nice to have someone around who understands you and thinks like you, because then, you don't feel so crazy, ya know? I feel like I can make sense of a lot of things with good people on my side. And Shelby is so good people. I've come to be somewhat of a Negative Nancy...shocking, I know! You guys are probably like, "ummm, hellooooo, saw this already!" But something that aggravates me is that a female medic who is ALWAYS bitching about going out on missions (hello, you're job), complaining about the brigade and how she isn't reenlisting and can't wait to get out, had this facebook status today, "the true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is behind him! or her." Really? What a hypocrite. Oh and of course, in true 230th fashion, EVERYONE changed their status to that. Originality truly has no place in the Army. I need a new drive and I need to get back to more optimism. But I'm trying to make the best out of a bad apple of a deployment and I just don't know how. I can't dive into my work and learn anything because my NCOICs have assigned me so little, so that takes away my growing opportunity. I've had a lot of problems with how fairness and punishments are displayed here, so that is sucking my passion for the Army out of me. The only thing I can think of is right now I have 3 great people who are in my life and trying to do the same thing, self-improvement. And they are struggling too. But we are all finding out what the niches are for us. Ah, sounds like a near beer and cigar Saturday night convo along with Bairds wild stories until Frame returns to top Baird's stories. Those boys. Gotta love them. Has anyone really felt they were dealt a bad hand of cards, so to speak, and it turned out totally different than what you thought? For better or for worse? These are the things I'm considering. I need some good NCOs, I have them, they just don't seem to have any viable answers. Help!

Need Normal Lifeeeee

I need a break. Shoo. Not like I may fall apart if I don't get a break, just like, I need to go out and enjoy the little things that life are about, the things that put it all in perspective. Family, friends, going out to dinner, going dancing, shopping, school. Everything that you just "normally" do. DRIVING with the radio. I miss my cousins and the rest of my fam. They're just living life, which, is expected, its just so weird that our lives feel as though they're "paused" and yet to everyone else, its another day. I miss my friends, the people I choose to hang out with, not the people I'm forced to interact with. I have a handful of people I am happy to spend time with, but it makes me wonder if I compromise just given the selection? I know I definitely don't with Baird, Frame and Shelby but everyone else? I'm not so sure about them. They are "Army friends". You can only really understand that if you are a part of it. On one hand, its so nice to have people who aren't so rough around the edges and combative in your life, just relaxed individuals. But on the other hand, its sooo hard to find someone who understands what the Army is about and the "call of duty", if you will. Things things things. Gotta stay busy! It is 108 outside right now, and its only going to get hotter! Anyways, need normal life! This place is so gay!

I Love Surprises

Well! The last couple of days have just been full of surprises! I have had some Easter Bunny Wannabe hiding Easter Eggs all over my desk when I'm out and leaving presents with them. Its funny but driving me crazy! I have a feeling I may never know. Lets see, I've been smoked quite frequently in my AO. Because my leaders have discovered the pushup/crunch challenge thingy. We had a shakedown in the barracks and I went dumpster diving today. No, REALLY. We had an absolute fucking retard do something very stupid and thats all I can really say about it. Everything was found and is in the process of getting resolved. Please don't fail me now Chain of Command. Then again, I shouldn't hold my breath. I had lunch with our Brigade Commander today, he is a hoot. Crazy man. He calls me sunshine, Frame passed that one along to him and every time I go to the command tent, its a mix of "hey bubbles!" and "hey sunshine!" One of our Sergeant Majors dubbed me "bubbles" many moons ago. Well, about a year ago, but it seems like forever ago. Lets see, what else...? OH! I had a talk with our softball coach and HE initiated it. After telling Frame everything, I was really on the fence about what to do and my coach, he just blew me away. The talk went extremely well and I feel bad for never believing the things Frame said. So. Went REALLY well and I am glad I decided to not punk out with softball. Someone punked my desk today. I know who but I won't call him out (cough cough REVITZER). I have pictures on my wall by my desk and other little things, like letters the cousins sent and funny things my friends make and leave on my desk. Well, I looked up to find 2 pictures. Granted, I have no idea how long they had been hanging there but it was funny. One if the pictures was of a bunch of bridesmaids in cleats. Let me explain. My LTs are 2 silly little boys trapped in the bodies of important...ish Army officer bodies. They always tease me because I love sports so much and they, obviously, never really see how I normally dress. But they see all my pictures of me in my "normal" clothes and say that I'm a man who likes to cross dress because no girl loves sports and dresses that much unless they're a drag queen. Good observation, but SO WRONG. So that picture was up there to represent my bridesmaids attire at my future wedding. (Doesn't that mean finding a decent man first? JUST sayin.) The other was of a bride with a softball glove on her hand and wearing cleats, sitting on the steps of something and she was looking up into the sky. The little bubble that they drew over it said, "I miss Frame!!!" Hahahaha. Funny ones, aren't they? Next little silly story of the day. There is a SGT from one of our Battalions. And he is cute. Okay, very attractive. But he seems dumb as bricks, per the usual. Anyways, SGT Denham, who sits next to me, knows this because I always say, "ooo, is SGT Pugh coming to pickup packets today?!" Haha. Well, he ratted me out to one of the LTs and LT King came up to me and said, "Hey, did ya get a good look at SGT Pugh today?" I immediately got on to Denham for passing this along to King, because now I will be forever harassed. Anyways, we all go to the chow hall for dinner and I decide I want an ice cream cone, I don't like sweets all that much and I wanted one so I sprung to get one tonight. Of course, sitting at a table full of sex-deprived men warrants for some inappropriate comments to get made about my dessert of choice. Anyways, one LT to my right says something we start to laugh and the LT to my left goes, "hey! there's that guy!" and points to a guy walking right and I do mean RIGHT beside our table...its SGT Pugh. Of course. So, between what was just said about my licking my ice cream cone and SGT Pugh walking by, it was too much. I started laughing so, I mean SO hard. We all did. I kept eating my ice cream cone until SGT Pugh was away so that it wasn't so obvious that he was the topic of some supper conversation. Well, THAT didn't go as planned because since SGT Pugh stared at me the whole time until he walked around the table, the guys made even MORE inappropriate comments, "Oh! Oh! OH! You reeled him in with that lick you've got going on! He's gonna be one lucky man!" Only it was a million times worse. I was blushing and laughing, they were rolling with laughter. A table full of 7 guys and myself, all in tears and red-faced from laughing so hard. Poor SGT Pugh, there's no telling what he took away from all of that. And boy, do I have some explaining to do. Andddd it carried on into the evening when one of the guys continued to harass me on Facebook. I swear I'd kill them if they weren't so funny and always looking out for me. I really would. Anyways. That was my silly past two days, full of boring work and pleasant surprises. I haven't run in two days, Baird wants to kill me. But he didn't want to run last night and I did so we're evening. Looks like after softball I need to hit the track hard. Or maybe I will before he gets off work that way I can still catch dinner chow. We shall see. I hope everyone has equally entertaining people they see that can keep them going. Its those losers that keep my head above water sometimes it seems. I am rather appreciative of them though =) What keeps you guys going? I'd love to hear!

Bouts of Insomnia!

Okay, I didn't add in how last night went or today before softball foolishness. I talked to Frame after softball too and he of course, put things into perspective. I was shocked that he suggested if it wasn't fun, to quit. Makes sense, but he's always telling me to rise above and stick with it. He said we could find better things to do too. I think he's silly. I don't know what to make of all of his ideas. Anywho! Baird and I did go running yesterday, I did 2 miles and he did 1.5 miles, he was really feeling like crap poor guy! I didn't go today though and do my 1 mile as planned, just thought I could get into bed earlier. HA! And look at me now...nearly 1 am. Geesh! Running was amazing, it was maybe a wee bit faster but I know the more I go, the better I get. Thats just what keeps me up, if I can run, I'm in great shape for everything else. Anywho. We went running, went to get some n/a beer and cigars and he told me some AWESOME stories about his life! Not sure anyone else would like them, but it showed me a lot about who he was and made him an even cooler friend in my eyes. Awe Breakfast Club bonding! Then we slowly attracted a small group of some of the guys from his barracks and had a blast. Joked that Baird was a SSG in a battle drill group and was the lowest ranked individual. HA! Our brigade is sooo rank heavy. Funny stuff like that. Then we slept in, went to Charley's for lunch...ish and then to the PX for shopping, per the usual Sunday. Then I had softball, dinner, talked to Frame then talked to Baird and...here I am. Okay, must make the road march to the bathroom to pee then to bed for REAL. Baird will be soooo mad if I skip breakfast on him again. Hahaha. Poor Princess Baird, can't eat breakfast alone. Night!