Until You

Man, I hate being human sometimes dangit. Cause I hate emotions. Haha, well, sad or angry or impatient emotions. I had a really stressful day today, don't really feel like going into the details. But Wednesday, I was man because of a wrinkly shirt. Yes, a WRINKLY SHIRT! And then I went for a run today and it was cold and my knee and ankles hurt and I'm out of shape and I'm pale and get really pink. See where this is going? I am whining! Oh me. And I thought about someone who is no longer in my life and it bummed me out. There is only 2 people I have chosen to remove from my life but I can't help but look back on those 2 and think that it means I gave up on them, like I didn't have the strength to deal with them. Yet, I know that I can't have them in my life. For me, its really hard to accept that though. That you can't just be this perfect person capable of saving the world. Yet... I WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD. LITERALLY. I want to touch every person I encounter. I want to be memorable, not so that I am this legend, but so that people when they're down, they look at the times we had and know that it is NEVER the end. It's NEVER worth giving up on the world, because there is so much bad in the world but there is so much good that YOU can put in it. Being vengeful (spelling?) is never worth it nor is it never our place. Unless, its a harmless prank war :)
With that being said, I'm going to settle down for the evening and look at the bright side. So what if I'm a little left of center? :)

Sunday Night Reflections

2 random notes, my shoulder hurts insanely bad like right where it attatches to your collarbone. BAD. Weird. On another random note, this blog looks very not me, I should fix it. When I figure out how of course.
Do you ever notice that sometimes you love something but you don't do it? I wonder why that is. Clearly, I love rugby. I went to a Mid-South Association meeting today and ran into Kerry from the Chattanooga women's team. And she really wants me to come out and play with them again. And, I really want to come out and play with them again. What is holding me back? Why am I preventing myself from something that I love so much? Yes,I'm hurt, but I played last semester. Why not this one too? No, I don't know the team as well as I know my Lee girls but I'm not afraid of getting to know them. Yes, my knee I'm worried about but I've never had an injury keep me before. But, Anna isn't here. My partner in crime on the field. Am I foregoing a thrill, an adrenaline that I thrive off of because she's not here? I have no earthly clue. I love rugby. Or, maybe I love what rugby used to be. What is keeping me from hitting the pitch again? Why am I becoming so serious? So...not myself. So stressed. I hate it. Optimisim is my thing. Its what sets me apart from the crowd, my positivity. I think this last month or so has been a real whirlwind. Financial craziness, awful weather, everything is so weird and inconsistent. And the guy stresses. UGH. 2 guys trying to get with me for the wrong reasons and then one who can't even manage to be my friend. And all in all, I have felt like crap. My friend Matt put it very plainly tonight, "get rid of the drama from your life". Which, is people. Guys who want something more than friendship from me. I don't want a relationship. I don't want to even think about it. I want my family and friends. That's it. I want rugby. I want my sports. I want my army life. I WANT. Yes, I WANT. Me me me. Because you can't always play nice. You can't always be polite. People make the world a difficult place but people make the world an amazing place. I never realized how hard it is to find good people who are truely there for you. You're not really my friend if you are constantly downing me, really not wanting a friendship from me but a romantic relationship. YOU'RE NOT A FRIEND FIRST. And that's what I want. I have a friend who I still would date in a heartbeat. But, he doesn't want or need that right now, a romantic relationship. And I respect that. I will treat him no less. I still want that friend in my life. Why? BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND. So, tomorrow I will do what I do. Hit the rugby pitch again, do the Army thing. And be a great friend. Also, time to get back on track with God, keep that communication up, because ultimately, HE will fill me up. Nothing or no one else. So, thanks my Lord, for small miracles.

This Makes Me Really Happy :)

http://kimberlynwhitaker.blogspot.com/2010/01/never-be-so-full-of-longing-that-you.html

In the above link I stumbled across a young woman's blog, about my age. It was so good to see. Because after coming out of almost 3 years of back and forth, heartaches, tears and very shallow love I'm not looking for a guy. I have taken the stance that it need not be my focus. And by that I don't mean I'm against dating. I just mean that throughout my life I always looked for someone to chase, some guy that caught my eye and was someone I was actively pursuing. I never took that time to pause and say, "hey, how about me? Let's be true to who I am first". Not that I lost all of my identity but when you date people you lose some of it being young and dumb. You think you want to be with someone and that means sacrifices such as being there for them when maybe you just can't be, maybe you really DO have to be writing that paper you have already put of to be there for that person. Sacrifice simply means its not BK out there, so you can't have it your way, haha. Another thing I have encountered, I felt the need to be someone I'm not around that person sometimes. Not completely change who I am but if you know me, you know how naturally childish I am. Not awful like hehe, poke poke, but giggly and giddy. And I always felt the need to really be much more laid-back and serious. What I have is a gift, not something to be hidden from the world. THAT is what made me so successful when I worked at the VA, THAT'S why my patients melted my heart. Because they loved ME.
The last month or so has really been a challenge with the male species, haha. I've had 1 guy I simply was not interested in beyond friendship and we arugued, even when hanging out as friends. He made me feel like my views (pretty much exactly what was stated in the blogs) were ridiculous and absurd and unherd of. He made me feel like shit for having so many guy friends pointing out that I HAD to be romantically attracted to them in some way. When, its simply not true. Not that I don't find them attractive, its just that they aren't for me and if they are, time will tell, I'm not pursuing them by any means, we are FRIENDS. Two other guys literally just wanted to get in my pants. It was sad because one of them was someone who was a great friend and I thought he was better than that. Finally, one guy kindda caught my eye but many reasons that would prevent us from pursuing one another and then he kindda just dropped me. SO. Haha. All is fine though because it just confirms what God has been telling me and what I have been so stubbornly ignoring. That I'm not ment to be with someone right now. If I am, it will come naturally and in His will.
In the meantime, I will be me. Obsessed with sports but in love with being a girl. Yes I would love to play you in rugby, practice my combatives with you. But I will also walk around, giggling, smiling, making fun of you and standing on my tiptoes simply because its habit and it feels great to my calves. I will continue to wear dresses because to me they are perfect and still yell HOOAH because its the Army amen. I want to go Airborne like my Papa Smith but for my graduation I want to treat myself to the most awesome makeup brush set. I want to be ME. Jamie Christine Smith. The good, the bad and the ugly.
So, thank you to the author of that blog who inspired me to write this.

Jon Lester

Jon. My sweet sweet Jon Lester. Yes, I am talking about my car. I parked my car across the street from my apartment last night and went to get it tonight and it was gone. GONE. I'm not crazy, I'm not drunk and I'm not retarded. My precious car who has taken me so many places is gone. Idk what to do. Anyways. I just had to say that. Not really sure what else to say.

RUGBY

Ok. Bear with me. I have a TON to say about rugby. And I think the best way to start is by starting with where rugby and I crossed paths.
Rewind, freshman year of college at Lee University Fall 2006. I had just wrapped up 7 years of softball and was starting at a school that I didn't even really choose to go to so I wasn't the most motivated girl. Happy, but not excited. Long story short, I had been commited to another school back home and when visiting my Nannie over the summer was persuaded to go to Lee because my cousin had attended. So back to the story, I had just wrapped up 7 years of softball which had consumed my years, Fall Ball, winter conditioning, spring school ball and summer recreational ball. I loved every second of it even though maybe I wasn't always happy with our overall success betweeen the teams I played with. When I graduated high school I commited to ECU, a big school in NC. I didn't try and play ball anywhere mostly because my peers were going to huge schools and if they were playing a sport it was at a huge school. So, being dumb and naive, I didn't think it was really an option, when looking back, I probably could have played at a smaller school.

I came to Lee and immediately jumped into intramural sports. EVERY intramural sport. Softball, flag football, volleyball, basketball, indoor and outdoor soccer. And honestly, none were very much fun. The rosters were always changing and we never had that "team" aspect of it quite like I was used to. Softball, though, evolved into an elite team from a scrappy dorm team, we all had talent and continuously played together. So in the spring of 2007 I decided that I wanted to play for Lee University, softball.

The tryouts came and went and I was invited to practice with them. I went to one practice and the coach said, "hustle up!" and the girls kind of picked up their walk to a speedy trot. Now, I know this sounds crazy but when the coach said that one thing and the girls just blew it off, it said so much to me. This isn't what I wanted to be a part of, I wanted a team with heart, no matter how talented or awful they were. So I kindly refused the coach's offer to travel with them occasionally playing. After that, I was thouroughly frustrated. I had really prayed and asked for God's direction in this matter and I didn't like the "no" I was getting from him. So I just questioned where I needed to invest my time and energy other than school.
In Fall 2007 one of the girls that coached our softball team,Amber Ferguson, BEGGED me to come to the rugby meeting with her as well as several other of the softball girls I played with. Reluctantly, I went and when we went around the room and mentioned practices and other things when the coach asked if I was willing to make that commitment I said, "Softball comes first. No matter what". He replied, "Well, that may mean you lose your starting position, IF you earn one". I agreed and that was that. And, it felt like a challenge. It was the infamous Chad Richmond who spoke those words to me.

Practiced started, it was fun, having a commited team, but I hated the sport. I didn't understand the game, I hated that I couldn't just pick up and play, I didn't want to tackle, it was AWFUL. So everyday I considered quiting and my great friend Kimberly Smith encouraged me to stick with her and stick with it. One day at practice we were playing touch and I literally hiked the ball, quickly recieved it again ran hard and straight and popped it off to Ashley Freeborn (a teammate who played EVERY sport with me). She was playing wing. No one was there to defend her and she ran to the end of the field and we had our first try. I was hooked. All 6 of the coaches immediately lost their minds. Chad Richmond, Troy Richmond, Scott Marlow, Andrew Tobey, Napoleon Cummings and Jeremy Blanchard were going insane. And all I heard was Chad yell, "THAT'S RUGBY!!!!!" To this day its still probably one of my best rugby memories.

After a few weeks of practicing we quickly discovered that there was a lot of technicalities to starting a team. We had begun practicing on an awful lumpy field called Carol Courts over by the Lee married housing and we weren't even allowed to do that on Lee campus without having each girl sign a waiver. With that, amoung many other things, Kevin Hudson the campus recreation director ended practices. Quickly, the boys called a meeting directing us on the next steps we needed to take. They made it very clear that while they supported us and wanted us to succeed, we had to put forth effort and make this possibility a reality. So, we were told we needed signatures. That night, we set out on a mission. Cheesy, I know but we were SO PUMPED to make this happen. We went to every single building on Lee's campus and honestly probably had AT LEAST 40% of Lee students sign a petition saying they supported having a women's rugby team. The next day we were in the dining hall at the door. And out of all the days, TODAY was the day that Paul Conn walked in. He signed, along with many other staff and falculty, and we considered the petition a sucess from then on out. With the right paperwork in line, we needed to have commited girls as well as officers, practices and matches set up. We held our first elections on the 3rd floor of the PCSU and finally had some leaders. Christina Fullerton (Smitty) and Katie Ayres were our chaplains,Natalie Scott was treasurer, I was secretary, Mamie Murphy was VP and Bekah Ladd was our first president. It was a VERY exciting day for us. The boys jumped right back in and continued to direct us and encourage us on. They always made it a point to say the wanted COMMITTED girls, girls who were good reflections of rugby and Lee. So as we were in the process of getting practices and matches authorized and schedule, we found other ways to bond and come together. We had socials, meetings and even dressed up for chapel and sat together with the boys. The most important piece, however, came at the suggestion of the boys. They told us to better understand it coming out to some of their practices and definitely catching the games would really be beneficial. We became devoted fans of the boys.

At first it was mass confusion so we ended up laughing more with one another than actually grasping what was going on at practices. As the games started up though, it really came together. There was something about those sunny rugby Saturdays in the spring that really made for great memories and pictures. As the boys progressed into their Matrix season and we became regular fixtures at their events the boys and us really got a lot of attention. The home matches became a huge success, many people there to cheer them on and many of us explaining rugby to the ones who didn't understand. The boys head coach (Coach Guy) invited us to travel with them to away matches. When they had the room, he even allowed us to ride the bus. But when they didn't, we made it a point to drive to their games.

FINALLY we got approval to practice. Our practices began and we were all in it, 100%.
The boys falculty sponser even offered to attend some practices and help direct us. His name was Dr. Michael Freake and he had an awesome accent that was unforgettable. By the end of the semester, we had our first match ever scheduled. And it was against Emory. They came to Lee University on one the most beautiful Saturdays I can remember. But, maybe thats just given the context surrounding the day :)I remember watching that game and being so incredibly excited the WHOLE TIME. I couldn't play because of a knee injury that I had gotten from softball earlier in the week, of course, just my luck. It was the ugliest game after watching the boys play so much but it didn't matter the least bit because it was US playing. Lee University Women's Rugby Football Club. LWRFC. Neither team was very advanced but some how we managed to absolutely murder Emory. The sir blew his whistle to end the game and our team looked like a bunch of girls who just met the Jonas Brothers. Everything we worked so hard for finally paid off. We shook hands and went on our way, despite the grumpy Emory girls who told Dr. Freake, who had been the sir for the game, that we were "making racist statements" and being "overly aggressive". Haha. They haven't used that one since and they still have yet to beat us.

After the Emory match came the VA Tech tournament. No THE VIRGINIA TECH TOURNAMENT. We traveled 4 or 5 hours to a cold, damp Virginia to play in a prom dress tournament. The match schedule put us against huge schools with lots of talent and experience. Virginia Tech and Appalachian State University. We found a church who was willing to let us stay for free in a trailor they normally used to visiting guests. So one bed, one shower and 15 or so girls made for an interesting weekend. We had a broken van window, 3 concussions, 80+ points scored on us, unspeakable amounts of pain and a Dr. Freake who probably never wanted to see us again. We bombed that tournament. And did an excellent job at it. We almost ALMOST scored a try once, it was so exciting that even the opposing team cheered as Mamie ran down the field. Unfortunately, she was stopped by the biggest girl ever and was literally on her back on the girls belly kicking trying to place the ball to the ground. Hilarious. Not to mention our referee was drunk and high. I kid you not, he literally said in front of Natalie and I right before kickoff, "I never used to bring weed on the pitch until I found out you can mix it with dip". And he put some in his mouth. At the end of the 2nd half of the last match of the day he said, "Guys, I'm gonna start calling some crazy shit out there, so just go with it!" And OH HE DID. We would knock the ball, put hands in the ruck, you name it and all I ever heard was, "PLAY ON!!!!!!!!" Later that night we went to a bar for a social and experinced the most debauchery that LWRFC probably to this day even, has ever experienced. Lesbian and bisexuals, all but 1. Drunk, high, horny and absolutely out of control. It was all hilarious. They absolutely loved us though. Dr. Freake probably wanted to just shrivel up and die but he was so so SO patient with us and really lead by example. So after was all said and done we finally dragged our happy butts back home to Tennessee. Oh and one more thing, the sir from the match won Prom QUEEN.

Our first semester of rugby wrapped up and Fall 2008 was here before we knew it. Somehow, even after the VA Tech tournament, we managed to con Dr. Freake into being our coach. Even after he so adamantly told us not to call him coach prior to, now he had no choice. We traveled to Tennesse Tech and watched the boys play in a tournament. I think what I got out of that even more than the game of rugby was the brotherhood the guys had formed. Well, that and their obsession for Brad Pitt, particularly Jason Shrable's. Haha! They really showed us that we should stick together and continue on such an amazing tradition that they had started. We played several games that semester and had a heart-breaking injury. Our new president, Natalie Scott was out not just for the season but for the rest of her rugby career. Now we had even more drive to succeed. To do it for Natalie, who loved the sport so much and couldn't be out there to play alongside us. We had a fairly successful season, mostly coming together as a team and recruiting new girls really is what that season was about. That, and the logistics of the club. We still had debt to pay off from the previous team at Lee who disbanded shortly after their first season.
Miraculously, we paid off all our debt to the Matrix and prepared for our big entrance into the Matrix.

Spring 2008 is when we really set ourselves apart from the boys. We did service projects, held socials, traveled and overall didn't have as much time to offer as much support to the boys as we would have liked. But they still cheered us on when they could and offered their time at many practices. By the end of the first Matrix season we finished about half our games one and half lost. The great news was though is that we had an awesome season, several games were very close, we had a rilvalry (MTSU) and TONS of support and attention drawn to our team. And in the midst of it all our focus continued to be the same thing, draw girls in and show them this team was about heart. One girl in particular really kept my vision of the team alive. Emily Clausnitzer. She was a petite and quite Asian girl who came to a practice in the fall and then stopped coming. After a lot of harrassing though, we earned her back. Emily never saw a ton of playing time but she ALWAYS LOVED being a part of the team, learning the sport. The boys carried themselves to a fantastic season that year, they made it all the way to the sweet 16 and I couldn't have been more estatic for them. I went to basic training on March 25th, 2009 so I recieved letters from Brad telling me about the amazing season they had. It was good to know that both teams were still going strong in the midst of all the confusion I was experiencing.]

Fall 2009.
Fall 2009 was THE season that turned our team around. We recruited many new girls and worked harder than ever to fulfill our rugby dreams. We had SO MANY GIRLS come and join. We even recruited several with some experience which was a huge feat for a program barely a two years old. One of them even was on the national team! Another successful season ended with the typical issues, teaching a group of girls new to the game how to mesh together on the pitch. But that took a backseat to the real success of our team, we were a family. We officially had the ability to bring girls in and KEEP them. They loved being a part of the team despite the work it took at times. Another major accomplishment was we officially got word that we were going to have a home field, over at Carol Courts where it all started. With all the support we showed and a lot of push from Coach Guy, Lee University was going to transform our original practice field into OUR RUGBY PITCH. On top of that, rugby was now a class in which we could recive college credits for taking. We had 7 girls also make the Mid-South All-Star team and play in an All-South tournament.

Spring 2010. This semester. 2 games into the season and 2 big wins. Against Auburn University and MTSU!!!!!! We FINALLY beat MTSU after games that they would win in literally the last 5 minutes. I couldn't be prouder. Even though I have yet to catch a game, I went to one practice and it was so apparent to me that if we have imagined our team 2 years ago, none of us would have fathomed such a fantastic group of girls and the perfect coach to lead us to victory. We're OFFICIALLY on the map!

Its the best feeling in the world watching this team grow, taking our own paths and yet still somehow coming back to the same mission, a team that stands the test of time. Granted, 2 years is a short amount of time but we accomplished more in 2 years than teams who have been around for 10 years have. My hopes for the teams is that both of us become college sports in which Lee will sponser. That is the ultimate goal I'm sure for many of us "old girls/guys". We have an excellent group of college students ready to carry on tradition and bring in some new ones. But no matter what, this is something that taught me so much more than rugby. I can't wait to come back and play in an alumni match. Thank y'all so much for the best years of my life. It's always going to hold a special memory in my heart. Chi Rho, Lee Rugby :)
*Zee was also a chaplain way back when we started, my B.

BUCKET LIST

Okay. There are many MANY things I want to do, see and experience in my life time. God-willing he gives me enough time. Please? Anywho. I had a bucket list I made my freshman year of college. No idea where it went though so I'm going to go ahead and put these down while I remember and add to it. SO, this isn't probably all of it.

1. Buy and restore an old victorian-era home, mostly doing the work myself.
2. GO TO FENWAY AND WATCH THE RED SOX PLAY THE YANKEES!(Done! Kindda, not the Yankees, yet)
3. See a game at Wrigley Field.
4. Meet THE Jon Lester and get his picture and autograph.
5. Go back to where I was born (Anchorage, Alaska) and see all that I can.
6. Catch a Boston Bruins game.
7. See the Celtics play.
8. Watch a Carolina/Duke game at the Dean Smith center. (CAROLINA PLEASE WIN FOR GOD'S SAKE!)
9. See a Tennessee/Georgia game where Georgia freakin wins.
10. Reupholster a chair.
11. Build a piece of furniture and put the finishing touches on it.
12. Have a library in one of my homes.
13. Coach a kids team in some sport.
14. Work at a VA hospital and do all I can for the veterans who reside there. (DONE!)
15. Learn to paint.
16. Make the USA Rugby Mid-South All-Star team. (DONE!)
17. Make the USA Rugby All-South team.
18. Go Airborne like my sweet Papa man.
19. Tour the White House.
20. Tour the Capitol Building (DONE!)
21. Learn Yoga or Pilates.
22. Train for and complete a marathon.
23. Run a race and place in the top 10.
24. Learn to ski (DONE!)
25. Learn to snowboard.
26. Do a ski race with 25+ people (DONE! 2nd place!)
27. Go on a blind date. - Been to hesitant to do this :(
28. Go skinny-dipping.
29. Go for a run on the beach and watch the sun rise.
30. Get an autographed piece of Shea Hillenbrand memoriabilia
31. Go to the baseball hall of fame.
32. Visit New Orleans during Mardi Gras.
33. Watch an Alabama football game. Roll Tide Rolllllll!
34. Learn a new sport and play it. (DONE!)
35. Live on my own, by myself, no roommates. (DONE!)
36. Make Thanksgiving dinner for my family, ALL OF THEM.
37. Take my Daddy and baby brother to see Georgia play.
38. Contribute to my siblings college. (DONE!)
39. Start a savings account for my siblings.
40. Take my brother Corey to see the Sox play.
41. Do something amazing (not sure what yet) for my Papa Smith to thank him for serving in WWII.
42. Go clubbing...and DANCE. Haha.
43. See the Sox win a World Series Championship. (DONE!)
44. Throw a suprise party for someone. (DONE!)
45. Go skydiving.
46. Shoot expert.
47. Max my APFT. (Almost, gotta get my run time down and that's it!)
48. Write a book.
49. Star in a play. (DONE!)
50. Get an award that reflects my heart, not just my skills. (DONE!)
51. Go wine tasting.
52. Make my own wine.
53. Drink a Sam Adams in Boston at a bar while watching a game.
54. Brew my own beer.
55. Venture down the Autobahn. (DONE!)
56. LEARN TO GOLF FOR REAL. Geesh.
57. Learn to surf.
58. Learn to waterski. (DONE!)
59. Learn to sail.
60. HOLD A SNAKE. (I seriously don't know if I can do this one...)
61. Hold a tarantula.
62. Become fluent in Spanish.
63. Go to a Spanish club and dance my heart out. (DONE!)
64. Learn to play poker. (DONE! Thanks Scottie!)
65. Go deepsea fishing. And catch something!
66. Camp on the beach.
67. Raise a dog and name it Beckett.
68. Ride a motorcycle.
69. See some of the places my Papa did when he was fighting in WWII.
70. Go on a ghost hunt. (DONE!)
71. Leave flowers on a grave.
72. Go on a missions trip in Central or Sought America.
73. Get a full spa treatment.
74. Have a white Christmas.
75. Ring in the New Year in a foreign country. (DONE!)
76. Finish school.
77. Ski in the Alps. (DONE!)
78. Watch the sunrise with people I love.
79. Watch the sunset with the man I love.
80. Go on a ghost tour.
81. Drive across the country stopping at the random, UFO-loving, Mom and Pop places along the way.
82. Be in Times Square when the ball drops one New Year's Eve.
83. See a Broadway show.
84. See a ballet performance and dress up for it.
85. Go on one of those dumb, insanely scary bungee jump things.
86. Go scuba diving.
87. Visit all 50 states.
88. Trace my ancestors.
89. Enter a sand castle building contest. (DONE!)
90. Win an essay contest. (DONE!)
91. Learn to Salsa.
92. Learn ballroom dancing, for my wedding day.
93. Meet a guy named Stephen and sing him "Hey Stephen"!

Wa Wa (The Charlie Brown sound) :D

Okay. So forgive me. I'm going to whine some. I KNOW I'm young. I KNOW I'm ONLY 21. I KNOW I have a lot to learn. I KNOW I have growing up to do. I KNOW I have a child-like demeanor. I KNOW. So. This is my thing. If I know all of this and accept it, why does it strike such a nerve with me when people say it? Most of the time, people who i have just met or people who don't know me very well. i just look around and it seeems that the people I encounter and point out my lack of years of living either 1)Hold it against me or 2) make it their sole reason for talking to me, (example: creepy old men who think because I'm friendly that automatically means I want them bad. Or better yet, I want to see their tattoos. NO.)
So I guess I already know the answer to my dilemma. Be who you are, don't let people discourage you. But its like I have to work twice as hard to get people's approval and/or respect because I'm happy. I just see no reason to really sweat something that is over me. I mean, the Bible says to cast all your cares on the Lord because HE cares for you. And it deliberatley tells us, as humans, not to worry. Not that that is always achievable but I have come to learn over the past few years that it is a sign of faith, letting God handle business. Don't get it twisted, i'm not saying be a bum cause Jesus has got you. What I'm SAYING is you do what you're capable of, always be pushing yourself. Go BEYOND what people think is possible or deem you capable of, but let God handle your stress. Say a prayer, "Father, I know I jacked up, I am aware that I have fallen yet again. But my heveanly Father, I give this to you, you knew I would fall and for good reasons I did. You are working in me through this mistake". And then, pick your happy butt up and move on. Carry yourself with the highest regards, but never put yourself above anyone. Because as you have been blessed with power, you can be cursed with failure.
So yes. I am happy. Overly excitable. Naive. Stubborn. I AM. I KNOW. But, I'm okay with that. Because even though it kindda knocks the wind out of me, it gives me all the more the reason to prove someone wrong. Show them I am so much more than they think. All that matters is that I am SO READY to really learn and listen. i have my reservations, but it doesn't mean I will be narrow-minded. YO SOY.

HOOAH

Okay, so after writing my first letter to one of my best friends going through basic, I am having QUITE the hooah moment. So I am going to get it out of my system! Haha. Its so crazy to think that just a year ago I was signed up and preparing to go to basic at Fort Jackson. I'm being such a sap right now, because all of this is just overwhelming and brings tears to my eyes! Like happy tears! In training I think a lot of things stick with you that are said because everything around you seems to be so unstable. So, one of the things said by Drill Sergeant Pabon was this,

"SOLIDERS, you think its bad now but you are in one of the safest environments right now. When you go down range, all you have is you and your battle buddies. You're fighting for the world's best army solider".

Its amazing, the evolution we go through as a person but these last 3 years have been absolutely insane. Particularly this last one. When I signed my contract I made sure I had so many things for security purposes. College first in particular. Which basically says that as long as I'm a full time college student for the first 2 years, I'm non-deployable. Now it seems like such a hassle! I have to write a letter to our Company Commander asking to let me give it up and deploy with my unit. Isn't it dumb to think I have to ask permission to do what I deem as the obvious, RIGHT thing? Basic training sucked, because I didn't have those Drill Sergeants that at the end are joking with you and taking pictures with you. They were the best, top of the line though. Seriously. I hated living with a bunch of crazy girls too, haha. AIT was amazing, I had the best cadre and they were an excellent example of the "real" army. That line of respect, but room to have a great time. Now, at my unit, it makes me feel like a kid for real to know how happy I am to be a part of that family.
We will be deploying end of this year to go down range and I am SO EXCITED. These next 2 years with my unit will be one of the best things ever. I'm going to revise my bucket list and make an "Army" section. I shall post it, eventually. Haha. I guess I'm going to get off here even though my stomach is like jumping from excitement. I literally want to run around in circles. I get this way a lot when I'm excited/happy. I think I have issues. Hahaha. I'm going to sum this up with my favorite quote from my beloved Red Sox pitcher, Pedro Martinez.

"I know I achieved a lot, and I know I have my little share of respect, but when you talk about playoffs, there is no time to be mad, there is no time to complain, there is no soreness that you can't overcome. I am going to leave my heart out there for my team."
--Pedro Martinez

Apply this to anything you do with people you care about, family, teammates, coworkers or if you're blessed like me, with your battle buddies. :)

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!

Try It

Well, after much thought (okay, maybe not THAT much thought), I decided to give this blogging thingy doo dah a shot. So, I don't really have a structure or idea of how or when I want to do this but that's half the fun, figuring it out. So, here goes nothing.