Wonder Why You're Moving But Go No Where

I am vewry tired. I have been the past couple of days, just dragging. My lovely bunkmate has been sick and coughing everywhere and CLOSING THE AIRVENT AGAIN!!! Its really hot in our barracks anyways but she has been closing it. Which is gross because it just turns into a breeding ground for germs. So gross. Not to mention its too damn hot to do that mess. The last two days have been really getting to me. I am so sick of wondering why I chose to come here and what I am gaining from this. But, I have been through things like this and it does come together, eventually...maybe. I'm sure it will. In the mean time, I just have to hold my head up. I don't feel as though the world is against me, but I'm so disappointed in the lack of loyalty this unit has to one another. People are too busy trying to gossip and turn against one another. For what? A big pissing contest? If it weren't for all of the "bad" people in my life though, the good ones just wouldn't seem so good. I have a few and they are just all my knights in shining armour. I'm very greatful. I just wish people were more human and less inhumane. People are just awful. I'm just very sleepy and not making much sense. So, I'm getting ready for bed soon. Goodnight blog world.

Stay With Me

I think its so crazy how people walk in and out of your life! Just catching up with some old college friends makes me think that. Anyways. BUT it is really cool also that somethings never change. Such as: how I crush my tacos to make nachos, how I feel right at home in the water and how I love hospitals. Of course, some things DO need to change. But some things just don't. I woke up at a delightful (not) 5:30am today. Shelby and I went to go swim laps today! I have to say, it made my life. I miss miss MISS the summer. And the water. It was just so nice. Even though I didn't sleep good, it didn't matter that much. Swimming puts me in a great mood. Went to work, which was gay, of course. Its soooo boringggg. Well at about 1400 one of the sergeants from my shop had to go to the TMC and ended up getting admitted because SGT was soooo dehydrated! But, I loved it, of course. Not because of WHY I was at the hospital, but because I got to be there and just see them working. It is fantastic. I just love hospitals, theres a lot of sad stuff but theres definitely a lot of great things. It really takes a certain person to work in a place full of sick people and be successful at it. So, that was my day pretty much. Actually, I made Rev come hit to me. He's a doll, I'm glad he did. I think he wanted to hit as much as I wanted to field though so it worked out. He kept saying, "I'm not Frame!" because I'm so used to the way Frame practices with me. Gosh I miss him! He's not going to be back until like Thursday =( thats almost 3 weeks! Boo! But, whats a few more days? Good God I'm so used to him being gone anyways. I'm still so glad Shelby is back. I had some really deep thoughts but I'm too tired to express them tonight =) Besides, they were a little sad, as they were about old relationships, both friendly and romantic. You just miss the old days sometimes, but, what good does it do to dwell on it? I'm just glad that I've ignored what was really bothering a few weeks ago. No combatives this week, they were full and are for a while! Boooo!!!!! Night y'all =)

Happy Saturday!

The office is thus far pretty quiet today, its nice. Came into my desk with a few new pens and an erasable highlighter! The "Easter Bunny" strikes again. Someone knows me well though! I got 2 apps for my iPod touch last night. I'm loving this thing more and more when I learn what it can do. Anyways, one is a medical terminology quiz and out of 23 I have 20 correct. Whoot! They're not easy either, I don't remember some of these! I listed to my MedPod cast last night on Pediatric Fever and it was good and comical, as it normally is. Shelby had me listen to a sermon on her iPod too, it wasn't bad, I just don't like the way that they are so convicting sometimes. I guess thats the right word for it, idk. I am really thinking pediatric care in the ER would be great for me. Its the best of what I think I would enjoy. Then again, there would be some sad cases I see. Pediatrics is soooo fun, its sad, but kids are so resilient, you know? Which is why its so much harder to lose a child than an adult it seems. Its just unfair, they are so young and innocent. Anywho, I really liked that PodCast, I love kids. I ran another 5k this morning and this is the most I've hurt after one. I think it was my slowest or 2nd slowest time also. Thankfully, I'm not really bent out of shape about it because I've attributed it to my new inserts. I am sure of it because my knees and shins hurt pretty bad right now but my breathing was ridiculous today. Seriously, so easy. I was able to carry on a conversation the whole run, too easy. I know that had I just run I would have not been able to go faster though because my legs were just hurting. I've been running more the past two weeks and I've gotten faster though, about a minute off my mile time. And I have seen no improvement in comfort of everything with those inserts. So it adds up for me, feet have gotten progressively worse so I'm throwing them out and going to try try try again, as they say. Frame should be back in like 3 days!!!! Its still weird, I'm used to him not being here and always with me. I miss him terribly though. Its perked up with Shelby back with Baird and I. Its like with us, the more of the 4 of us together, the better we bring out in one another. Baird and I had fun, but add Shelby and we're a really crazy bunch. Add Frame and we are just perfection, we all play off of one another so well! Softball tonight! Excited! We will probably loose, but eh. Who cares. I think I'll have fun. Combatives next week, hopefully. They changed the times to during the day, soooo its up to my bitchy E8, who is mad at me because I refused to go to the board today. Sorryyyyy. I can't believe I even let them talk me into it last time, its probably one of the worst Army experiences I've ever had. Seriously, I would do some obstacle courses again before I did a board again. If I could help it. I am going to close it up with another worthless survey thingy. I like them, they are fun =)
1. What I love most about my home is...
Its adorable and has character, its not a cookie-cutter home.

2. I'm excited because...
I have a softball game tonight and a half day today at work.

3. My preferred method for blowing off steam when I'm frustrated is...
Running. Nothing gets it out of me like running. But sometimes, I forget the wonders of what it does for my mood.

4. Currently I am craving...
Going out for a night and WEARING A DRESS!

5. The thing I love most about my mom is...
She cares about me more than I could ever realize. And NO ONE does laundry like her =)

6. If I was going to write a book about my life it would be titled...
Same thing as my blog probably, "With My Heart On My Sleeve" or "Hell On The Heart" or "She Ain't Right"
7. If I were to eat one thing for the rest of eternity it would be...
TACOS! Or sandwhiches and chips.

Stuff...And Stuff

I have found that I have a hard time coming up with names for post sometimes. I like for them to be clever, but well, lets be honest, I'm not always so clever. Haha. Shelby is back, Shelby is back! She walked into my office with 2 weapons and 7 full magazines of ammo in her arms and I attacked her. I don't think I've been so excited to see someone in a while! Its just so nice to have someone around who understands you and thinks like you, because then, you don't feel so crazy, ya know? I feel like I can make sense of a lot of things with good people on my side. And Shelby is so good people. I've come to be somewhat of a Negative Nancy...shocking, I know! You guys are probably like, "ummm, hellooooo, saw this already!" But something that aggravates me is that a female medic who is ALWAYS bitching about going out on missions (hello, you're job), complaining about the brigade and how she isn't reenlisting and can't wait to get out, had this facebook status today, "the true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is behind him! or her." Really? What a hypocrite. Oh and of course, in true 230th fashion, EVERYONE changed their status to that. Originality truly has no place in the Army. I need a new drive and I need to get back to more optimism. But I'm trying to make the best out of a bad apple of a deployment and I just don't know how. I can't dive into my work and learn anything because my NCOICs have assigned me so little, so that takes away my growing opportunity. I've had a lot of problems with how fairness and punishments are displayed here, so that is sucking my passion for the Army out of me. The only thing I can think of is right now I have 3 great people who are in my life and trying to do the same thing, self-improvement. And they are struggling too. But we are all finding out what the niches are for us. Ah, sounds like a near beer and cigar Saturday night convo along with Bairds wild stories until Frame returns to top Baird's stories. Those boys. Gotta love them. Has anyone really felt they were dealt a bad hand of cards, so to speak, and it turned out totally different than what you thought? For better or for worse? These are the things I'm considering. I need some good NCOs, I have them, they just don't seem to have any viable answers. Help!

Need Normal Lifeeeee

I need a break. Shoo. Not like I may fall apart if I don't get a break, just like, I need to go out and enjoy the little things that life are about, the things that put it all in perspective. Family, friends, going out to dinner, going dancing, shopping, school. Everything that you just "normally" do. DRIVING with the radio. I miss my cousins and the rest of my fam. They're just living life, which, is expected, its just so weird that our lives feel as though they're "paused" and yet to everyone else, its another day. I miss my friends, the people I choose to hang out with, not the people I'm forced to interact with. I have a handful of people I am happy to spend time with, but it makes me wonder if I compromise just given the selection? I know I definitely don't with Baird, Frame and Shelby but everyone else? I'm not so sure about them. They are "Army friends". You can only really understand that if you are a part of it. On one hand, its so nice to have people who aren't so rough around the edges and combative in your life, just relaxed individuals. But on the other hand, its sooo hard to find someone who understands what the Army is about and the "call of duty", if you will. Things things things. Gotta stay busy! It is 108 outside right now, and its only going to get hotter! Anyways, need normal life! This place is so gay!

I Love Surprises

Well! The last couple of days have just been full of surprises! I have had some Easter Bunny Wannabe hiding Easter Eggs all over my desk when I'm out and leaving presents with them. Its funny but driving me crazy! I have a feeling I may never know. Lets see, I've been smoked quite frequently in my AO. Because my leaders have discovered the pushup/crunch challenge thingy. We had a shakedown in the barracks and I went dumpster diving today. No, REALLY. We had an absolute fucking retard do something very stupid and thats all I can really say about it. Everything was found and is in the process of getting resolved. Please don't fail me now Chain of Command. Then again, I shouldn't hold my breath. I had lunch with our Brigade Commander today, he is a hoot. Crazy man. He calls me sunshine, Frame passed that one along to him and every time I go to the command tent, its a mix of "hey bubbles!" and "hey sunshine!" One of our Sergeant Majors dubbed me "bubbles" many moons ago. Well, about a year ago, but it seems like forever ago. Lets see, what else...? OH! I had a talk with our softball coach and HE initiated it. After telling Frame everything, I was really on the fence about what to do and my coach, he just blew me away. The talk went extremely well and I feel bad for never believing the things Frame said. So. Went REALLY well and I am glad I decided to not punk out with softball. Someone punked my desk today. I know who but I won't call him out (cough cough REVITZER). I have pictures on my wall by my desk and other little things, like letters the cousins sent and funny things my friends make and leave on my desk. Well, I looked up to find 2 pictures. Granted, I have no idea how long they had been hanging there but it was funny. One if the pictures was of a bunch of bridesmaids in cleats. Let me explain. My LTs are 2 silly little boys trapped in the bodies of important...ish Army officer bodies. They always tease me because I love sports so much and they, obviously, never really see how I normally dress. But they see all my pictures of me in my "normal" clothes and say that I'm a man who likes to cross dress because no girl loves sports and dresses that much unless they're a drag queen. Good observation, but SO WRONG. So that picture was up there to represent my bridesmaids attire at my future wedding. (Doesn't that mean finding a decent man first? JUST sayin.) The other was of a bride with a softball glove on her hand and wearing cleats, sitting on the steps of something and she was looking up into the sky. The little bubble that they drew over it said, "I miss Frame!!!" Hahahaha. Funny ones, aren't they? Next little silly story of the day. There is a SGT from one of our Battalions. And he is cute. Okay, very attractive. But he seems dumb as bricks, per the usual. Anyways, SGT Denham, who sits next to me, knows this because I always say, "ooo, is SGT Pugh coming to pickup packets today?!" Haha. Well, he ratted me out to one of the LTs and LT King came up to me and said, "Hey, did ya get a good look at SGT Pugh today?" I immediately got on to Denham for passing this along to King, because now I will be forever harassed. Anyways, we all go to the chow hall for dinner and I decide I want an ice cream cone, I don't like sweets all that much and I wanted one so I sprung to get one tonight. Of course, sitting at a table full of sex-deprived men warrants for some inappropriate comments to get made about my dessert of choice. Anyways, one LT to my right says something we start to laugh and the LT to my left goes, "hey! there's that guy!" and points to a guy walking right and I do mean RIGHT beside our table...its SGT Pugh. Of course. So, between what was just said about my licking my ice cream cone and SGT Pugh walking by, it was too much. I started laughing so, I mean SO hard. We all did. I kept eating my ice cream cone until SGT Pugh was away so that it wasn't so obvious that he was the topic of some supper conversation. Well, THAT didn't go as planned because since SGT Pugh stared at me the whole time until he walked around the table, the guys made even MORE inappropriate comments, "Oh! Oh! OH! You reeled him in with that lick you've got going on! He's gonna be one lucky man!" Only it was a million times worse. I was blushing and laughing, they were rolling with laughter. A table full of 7 guys and myself, all in tears and red-faced from laughing so hard. Poor SGT Pugh, there's no telling what he took away from all of that. And boy, do I have some explaining to do. Andddd it carried on into the evening when one of the guys continued to harass me on Facebook. I swear I'd kill them if they weren't so funny and always looking out for me. I really would. Anyways. That was my silly past two days, full of boring work and pleasant surprises. I haven't run in two days, Baird wants to kill me. But he didn't want to run last night and I did so we're evening. Looks like after softball I need to hit the track hard. Or maybe I will before he gets off work that way I can still catch dinner chow. We shall see. I hope everyone has equally entertaining people they see that can keep them going. Its those losers that keep my head above water sometimes it seems. I am rather appreciative of them though =) What keeps you guys going? I'd love to hear!

Bouts of Insomnia!

Okay, I didn't add in how last night went or today before softball foolishness. I talked to Frame after softball too and he of course, put things into perspective. I was shocked that he suggested if it wasn't fun, to quit. Makes sense, but he's always telling me to rise above and stick with it. He said we could find better things to do too. I think he's silly. I don't know what to make of all of his ideas. Anywho! Baird and I did go running yesterday, I did 2 miles and he did 1.5 miles, he was really feeling like crap poor guy! I didn't go today though and do my 1 mile as planned, just thought I could get into bed earlier. HA! And look at me now...nearly 1 am. Geesh! Running was amazing, it was maybe a wee bit faster but I know the more I go, the better I get. Thats just what keeps me up, if I can run, I'm in great shape for everything else. Anywho. We went running, went to get some n/a beer and cigars and he told me some AWESOME stories about his life! Not sure anyone else would like them, but it showed me a lot about who he was and made him an even cooler friend in my eyes. Awe Breakfast Club bonding! Then we slowly attracted a small group of some of the guys from his barracks and had a blast. Joked that Baird was a SSG in a battle drill group and was the lowest ranked individual. HA! Our brigade is sooo rank heavy. Funny stuff like that. Then we slept in, went to Charley's for lunch...ish and then to the PX for shopping, per the usual Sunday. Then I had softball, dinner, talked to Frame then talked to Baird and...here I am. Okay, must make the road march to the bathroom to pee then to bed for REAL. Baird will be soooo mad if I skip breakfast on him again. Hahaha. Poor Princess Baird, can't eat breakfast alone. Night!

I've Never Gone With The Wind

So I've been thinking. Scary, I know right?! I've never been much of a loner. I like people, no I LOVE people. But here lately, I've noticed that I'm not quite the social butterfly I'm used to being. So of the people who I have split my ways from on this deployment, well, it really surprised me. I don't know if I expect too much out of people or I have mixed interpretations on where you draw the line on a friendship, but it seems hard to put my finger on. I consider most people my friend, at least an acquaintance to me. I don't tend to choose enemies, because honestly, it scares me, the idea of someone hating you. You never know what a psycho someone is until you're on their "list". And, not to mention, I just don't enjoy the drama of having an enemy to avoid, etc. It puts a real kink in my plans. Anyways, I can count at least 5 people whom I used to smile and say hey to and now, in passing, I immediately look away and try to get out of the vicinity of that person. Its heartbreaking. But this is the thing, the things that happened between me and these people, they aren't something that I'll apologize for, because I know I did the right thing. Its not a questionable thing in my mind, example: one of the people (while this was all in good humor) continuously picked on a group of soldiers. It really and I mean REALLY started getting out of control so I stepped in and explained to this individual that while he may not have bad intentions with what he was doing, he was really affecting the moral of these soldiers. That is the lightest way I know how to put it. Think of it this way, a person has a deformity and there's nothing this person can do about it except for laugh about it. So they do, well, this other individual, the antagonizer, keeps picking on the person until it becomes something they are hurt by. I know that this is the newer and "softer" Army, but thats just unnecessary harassment. The individual is gaining nothing by picking on that person and its not doing any character building for that person being picked on. Anyways, after approaching the person doing all of the antagonizing, he basically told me he would no longer speak to me because he had to watch out for himself and people like me took his jokes the wrong way. I am so the last person to get offended by harmless joking, but really guy? Where do you draw the line? So childish event #1. All of the others are extremely similar situations. Were they worth losing a friend over? No. But are these people really my friends and/or leaders if they lose their loyalties when I take a stand for what is right? Absolutely not. I can agree to disagree. Its a problem easy to solve, "okay you're too sensitive over the situation so I'll just not speak about it with you" and/or "I'll drop it, lets agree to disagree." Another morning I sat down to have breakfast with one of my friends, or so I thought, and immediately he left without so much as saying a word. To this day, I do not know what I did. So, its sad for me. I know many people have those people they just don't speak to, its nothing personal, they just don't talk and I honestly have never felt what thats like. Its very sad, I have to say. But I'm not going to apologize for something I did and know it wasn't wrong. If I get angry with someone and do something thats unbecoming of me as a person, I will be the first to apologize. Heck, I did it with Shelby a week ago! But it saddens me to see the real side of people. Out for themselves and to kiss ass.

Softball was also extremely frustrating and I'm considering quitting. I really don't want to for several reasons though 1)What am I gaining? Yes, I lose the stress of how fucked up the team is run but I also lose that time to look forward to it. 2) I want to get better and quitting won't do that. 3) I'm not a quitter and I don't want to say with my actions that I'm not a team player, because I am. I SO AM. 4) I know there is one person waiting, DYING for me to quit and I do not want to prove him right. 5) If I quit, Frame will too. I know he will and thats not fair to the team and its definitely not to Frame. I just feel really picked on by the coach. And, I don't mind being picked on, when its in good fun. But I definitely feel singled out. Example, we have a team bag with a ton of shit in it we don't use, about 10 bats, catcher's equipment, balls and gloves. Out of that, we use about 5 yellow balls, 3 or 4 gloves and 1 bat. Well, its in the female barracks. The coach has not taken responsibility for this bag and has not told me to do anything with this bag. So, I normally carry Frame's bag, which contains 4 gloves, 4 balls and 2 bats that majority of the team uses. Today, when I go to leave, I see the team bag. And even though there are 4 other females in this barracks that play and could easily carry this bag, I grab 5 gloves and stuff it into Frame's bag, because thats all it can hold. Balls are provided at the game and they can suck it up and use these two bats for tonight's game. And I have no idea what bats to grab. I walk the mile and a half to the field and I'm there early, warming up. I hear, "JAMIE SMITH WHERE IS THE BAG?!" Yelled at me, in front of a good 20-30 people and I turn around and its our coach. Ooooo I got mad. And I let him have it. I said something along the lines of, "I brought gloves for everyone, we have balls to use for the game and we have Frame's bats. I'm not the only girl in that barracks, the bag is not my sole responsibility and I'm not carrying it a mile and a half down here." Our assistant coach piped in, "a good coach would ensure that his players have what they needed and a way to get it to them." Kindda a low blow, but hell, anything I say is thrown to the wind, no matter how right it may be. We play, we loose, I'm mad, I'm leaving and the same coach comes up to me and goes, "JAMIE. Go ahead, let it out, tell me what you've been telling everyone else." At that point, I'm mad about the game and this guy is a raging lunatic. I tell him I have nothing to say and he gets in my face and tells me that I "ignored him" that I "deliberately didn't high five him" that I "darted my eyes at him". Omg y'all, he sounded like a girl and I really had no idea what he was talking about. We were giving high fives, like good little sportsmen, and when we snaked the line the opposite direction, the first 3 people in front of me didn't continue to high five so neither did I. But of course this coach didn't realize the other 3 players in front of me did that, only I didn't do the right thing and only I had the bad attitude. My God I can't believe I'm explaining this. Long story short, I told him none of it was personal, I wasn't happy with how we played and I felt like I was wasting my time by showing up. I haven't missed a damn practice and yet 4 people who haven't practiced EVER played, no STARTED tonight. Yea, I think its bullshit. And it is a waste of my time as far as being "dedicated" to show that I'm a "team player". But, what else would I be doing? Really? I get some enjoyment of analyzing the game, seeing where our weaknesses are, pointing them out to Frame and being right about it. Not because I enjoy seeing us fail, but I am glad that it just proves this coach is an idiot and refuses to listen to me for whatever reason. We lost to a team tonight that hadn't won a game, how awesome are we?! God I'm such a sourpuss. But, for whatever reason, I will always be a girl with a bad, no AWFUL attitude in this guy's eyes. Which, assumptions get passed to others also and automatically thats my persona with others who don't even know me. So the story goes. Its really not a big deal, but this is a place where these guys ought to be guiding me and teaching me to be a good NCO, not writing me off over some damn softball game. Maybe thats the problem the guard has, if we kept that "NCO guiding a soldier" mentality during off hours, us lower enlisted could take away a lot more. But no, its a pissing contest. I am not your equal, do not treat me as such. Don't talk down to me, because thats disrespectful, but be a man, tell me what I'm doing so I can fix it. Holy shit guy, I can't help you if you don't help me! Ah. So, thats my softball blurb. What to do? Its a damn game but it IS my release, ya know? I am up way too late, I will say this much. And, I'm glad that even though it seems that most of these people aren't even a half decent acquaintance, I know some of these old school guys are here to guide and lead me and that my friends really are just that, loyal friends. And the only thing I can do is rise above the rest and do whats right for me and to make those who believe in me proud. Kuwait drama. My God if we had something to really do, maybe people wouldn't be out on the prowl looking for something to piss about. That and it seems everyone is grumpy and needs to get laid. I keep in prospective what I'm here for, the experience and the personal development. Maybe I'm digressing, but MAYBE it will fall into place. I hope I can sleep soon! Ah! Goodnight world =)

Altruistic Heart

After reading a New York Times article and reading yet another med students blog, I am again, SOOOO EXCITED!!!! Its made stepping outside of this blah place really fantastic. You definitely have to do stuff like that to stay sane, and in turn, driven. So let me talk about the article first! This article was about how they are changing the MCAT!!! It hasn't been changed in approximately 25 years! And since 1928, when the first MCAT was administered, its only been changed 4 times! Thats crazy when you consider how much and how fast everything changes these days, isn't that wild to consider? Anyways, the proposed changes won't take affect until 2015, well after I have taken the MCAT, so I guess this really doesn't apply to me, but its a good change, from what I read so far. They are adding more questions in regards to cultural differences, sociological questions and psychological questions. Okay pros and cons. Pros: If it works its intended purpose, you will have much more well-rounded PEOPLE getting into medical schools and in turn, becoming doctors. You won't just have some braniac who could care less about helping others and is out for self as opposed to others. I mean, you will, because some people really can work the system, but it will be dwindled down. You will have people with experiences and heart and my favorite word...people who are ALTRUISTIC! Because no matter what you do, the most important thing is that you love it. Cons: you really, REALLY are going to have a difficult time testing one's heart via standardized testing. Granted, I've never been one to do my absolute best on those, I fare really well generally speaking, IF I do my part. But I have heard of people who just crumble. Text anxiety maybe? I have no idea, but I just can't imagine. I would hate to think a smart guy or gal with nothing more than to want to be a doctor didn't get into a medical school because they just crumbled. Then again, I know many people who take some time, redeem themselves, then take another stab at it only to be met with success. Case and point, if you truly can't be anything but a doctor, you will adjust fire and make it happen. Anyways, I think its cool and as with everything, you can only hope the intended effect will take place.
Okay next really cool thing. The guy that I'm reading about goes to medical school in Dominica. Go, google it RIGHT NOW. Dominica. Also known as the "nature island". I can't think of a better way to hone my skills than to be in the midst of nature and beautiful landscaping and just living simply. It makes for a better atomosphere, I think. Many get distracted, but for me, if everything around me is perfect, I can focus on the task at hand. Also, it would be a fantastic way for me to set up ties and test the waters of what I really want to do, work in a Spanish-speaking country frequently, if not full-time. I just can't even tell you how ecstatic I am, reading this guy write. He is absolutely fantastic, sounds like the male version of me, his thoughts are very much in line with mine. This is the URL to his blog: http://thesescrubs.com
It is SO GOOD! He adds quotes, pictures and medical school time frames and thoughts. Its just so so good. Okay, I'll stop with that now. I have also discovered awesome podcasts. Haven't listened to them yet, but they're good. Back to my little reality here, Shelby is still gone, she keeps getting delayed from coming back and now Baird and I are wondering if she'll even make it back for our little combatives class. Baird and I have decided that if she doesn't, we know who will win the "Breakfast Club Bouts"...not Frame or Shelby, because they aren't even going to the class! Haha. Didn't really talk to Frame but for like 2 minutes last night, but he seemed out of it. We miss him, but he's doing stuff back home. Hmmm. Don't know what was going on. Oh well. Baird and I are going running tonight then hanging out and drinking n/a beer, per the usual Saturday night. It won't be the same without Shelby and Frame though...1 more week! I have a softball game tomorrow so Princess Baird will sleep in, IM me when he awakens and we'll go to Charley's, our usual Sunday ritual. And I get to eat it this time because there's not softball until 6pm and no cookout to go to. Sounds like success! And all laundry is done, except towels, which will be easy to accomplish. For now, back to trying to answer some practice questions!

Whenever I Run

This may or may not turn into a running blog of some sort. Went running with Baird again tonight. I did my "long" run, which, was only 2 miles. What I'm planning on doing is just mixing it up like I have done thus far. In 4 days I've done 5 miles so I'm planning on another 3 at LEAST for the week. I would like to be up to 15-20 mile weeks by the end of the month. I'm kind of worried with combatives and that crunch/pushup challenge that I won't be able to. The challenge, not so much, but that level 1 cert for combatives is supposed to run until midnight some nights. Baird and I are dreading it, staying up that late, haha. We're old ladies. By the time we start that, Framer should be back! And Shelby should be back by Monday if all goes well. And lets PRAY it does. I'm excited! Got to talk to them both today, at the same time and even started talking to Baird since we work in different tents. It was like the breakfast club online! Even though we couldn't all chat together. Anyways! Back to the run stuff. I want to get a Nike+Sportsband, like, REALLY bad. I have just heard that the distance is up by approximately 1/4 of a mile! That would really suck. I guess I could test it on the track though and see. Plus, its one of the cheaper ones to track your runs to your computer. The other thing I'm worried about it being over here, that I won't be able to track it because of weird website restrictions to do with IP addresses and crazy stuff that I don't understand. Anyways. That is all, its too late for me to be this hyper, I maybe need to run earlier but Baird gets off so late we really can't. Hmmm. Maybe in the ams? Ugh. No. I hate that idea. When Frame gets back, maybe as soon as we get off then Shelby and Baird can workout whenever. I would like that. Awww. I miss Frame, obviously! And Shelbyyyy. Okay bye for now!

Wasn't It Beautiful When You Believed In Everything

Today I haven't felt very good, physically. Its been weird. Alternating between headaches and stomachaches. I think its just my body being retarded and reacting to stress. That and I'm sick of this DFAC food. Its not very fresh and I just don't feel as good. Funny how you notice stuff like that. Another reason why its uber important that I find other ways to keep myself up, helps combat stress. Today was okay, just another day I suppose. I did get a lot of exercising done though. And I can soooo tell I'm going to crash. My pushups and situps have been pitiful but I'm still working on them. We had softball for about 40 minutes. I want to quit so bad! If it weren't for the fact that I'd be a "quitter" and if I didn't love softball so stinkin much, I would have walked a while ago I think. It just gives me something to do. Back to the point. Okay, so we haven't practiced in 2 weeks. Currently, we're 2-2, tied for 2nd to last place out of 5 or 6 teams. Anyways, we quit practicing once it gets dark because no one can "see" the ball. Which, it is hard to see it. But anyways, Biggs is afraid of someone getting hit in the face or something. People get hit in the damn face even when they CAN see it, one. Two, we play at night and the lights aren't really much better where we play. Three, WE HAVE LITTLE TEAM COHESION!!! Only practice will fix that. Another thing, we have some people on R&R so he's brought new players onto the team. Which, is frustrating because numerous players, as well as myself, have been so so SO devoted to coming out and all we do is share playing time with some of these people who couldn't give a rats ass about playing except when they find it convenient. Ugh! It sounds so childish but I think those of us who always come out should get priority! I have NEVER played on such a lazy team! My old coaches would easily bench someone who thought they were too good to show most of the time. UGH. Infuriating! Anyways, like 40 mins of softball and of course I was mad so I ran a mile at an easy pace then went and played racquetball for an hour. Which, I actually didn't do bad at! I can't wait to show Frame. Which brings me to another point. Frame is always telling me to not let other people upset me so much, among other people that also tell me this, but Frame REALLY puts it into perspective. I just get so so so irritated with everyone around me. Here's my theory, I think its a mix of things. 1) I'm away from my comfort zone where I can just go home and chill out or do whatever, back to the whole no "me" time, so I get fed up faster and really dwell on stupid crap that normally I just forget about. 2) I see these people who make me mad and I don't get a "break" from them, which normally makes me forget whatever it was. 3) People are different on deployment, it brings out the worst in a lot of people, myself included. I'm actually very disappointed in myself for not being as resilient and loving and forgiving as I normally am. Its just so hard to be when people are just TERRIBLE. 4) I'm young and dumb and this is part of being young and dumb. 5) People. Love. Drama. Anyways. The point is, I have to learn to be okay with everyone around me not being fuel to be a better person. I hate my section, I hate being a normal soldier right now. I won't even go to the boards! I would normally JUMP at a chance for self-improvement. But here? I choose to be a slick sleeve instead of wearing a patch that I at one point looked forward to wearing. I dread the idea of doing anything that gets me recognized. Part of that though isn't just being HERE, its that I feel like myself and other soldiers have been jipped. I don't think I should have to go to a board to be "soldier of the month". I think that, just like any award, you get selected because of the things you do on a regular basis. Soldiers like Miller who always help others, stay late when needed, ALWAYS go above and beyond, soldiers who do all of that should be recognized because its his CHARACTER, not his show he puts on to get a decoration. But someone like our last soldier of the month winner? Someone who doesn't pass height/weight or PT and has to be supervised to accomplish any work? Thats not an asset to the Army, thats a burden. Anyways. But in this brigade we are taught to do whatever the fuck we want and its okay. So much crap. I'm not sure if its this unit, a "kinder, gentler Army" overall or just the way I'm perceiving things. I just can't imagine some of the shit that has gone on here flying elsewhere. A guy pulled a knife on his battles several times and only received 1 week of CQ as punishment. The Fort Bliss troublemakers. There was a former cadet, now LT, who has inappropriate relations with an officer, who at the time, was a company commander. They are both here and deployed together. She got no punishment and he lost command of his unit, but will regain it if he "behaves" while he is here. We have 2 other soldiers who cheated on their spouses and with someone in their chain of command, they were not punished. It just makes no sense for me, I and many others always behave because we have higher standards. But when people do get in trouble, they are asked to do what we do all along anyways without being told to? Thats not punishment, thats making them achieve the standard like the rest of us. Anyways, disheartening. It was so nice when all I could see was the good in people. When I believed in everything and everyone. Enough of that, I know I KNOW Frame would kill me and he's right, its just not worth my worry. I need other things to do. But for now, I will sleeeeeep. So tired! Night to all.

Training Day

Started the pushup/crunch thing today, even though it was yesterday that it started, technically. I didn't do anything. So far I've done 150 pushups and 40 crunches. I will probably bust out more crunches before bed. If I do 100 of each, I will make my goal but I want to do way more. I also randomly decided to pick up a 5k plan, which I didn't plan on. Tonight it said, "run/walk 30 mins" I thought that was really gay but Baird suggested sprinting a light pole then walking two. Holy crap it kicked my butt. But it was nice because I haven't ran that hard in a while. I think it will really help. I was a little worried about my ankles, since I've already re-sprained my right one since I've been here, but they are a little tired too so I'm sure its good strengthening for them. Between that and the physical therapy stuff, I think I'll be running like I did a few years ago if I keep up with it. It was awesome to work out with Baird since he doesn't mind to do his own thing. Normally Frame and I do our own things but go to the track together and leave together, thats our thing, but Shelby and Baird tend to run together, which I hate. So, it was good that the other half of the breakfast club can stick together. I am glad I did all of that after the day I had. The actual day wasn't bad, I just stayed up soooo late and then got 5, yes 5, care packages today full of junk that I ate all day. i.e. FRUIT GUSHERS and A BROWNIE and STARBURSTS and CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS. It was awful. I don't ever have a real sweet tooth, but I just got so many packages I freaked out. I ate like 3 packs of gushers, a brownie, a mini bag of pretzels and a handful or so of starburts. Made me sooo sick. Tomorrow the plan says walk 30 mins so I may try and con Baird into walking around the base with me and doing crunches and pushups in between. Omg I had Pop Rocks and Wasabi peas today too. Good God. No wonder I wasn't hungry at dinner. Also, I can't say anything for sure, but I may have the opportunity to have another job and get myself out of the office. I'm crossing my fingers that it works, but if it doesn't, God has plans. I hate those though. =) ALSO! Bin Laden was laid to rest today, courtesy of the U.S. Military. HOOAH! I'm just a little mad that 1) People are turning it into a big conspiracy already and 2) some are crediting Obama with it already. We are really going to see a surge in attacks now, so we have to be careful. All of my battles are in my prayers. I hope we can counteract whatever they through at us. Well, I am off to shower now and do some more crunches. Night!

Perfectly Good At It

Some of us at the cookout and the guys jumping

in, of course

I got some new music today! Like, 4 songs but it still makes me excited because they're geared towards running so they're nice and upbeat. Today we had a little party for the twins so that was nice. I only ate a hot dog and chips and a brownie but I am still soooo full! Its hard to get a good schedule down for sundays because it feels like there's a lot to do to catch up on and prepare for next week. But, it happens. We were supposed to have softball and didn't today, well showed up and no one was there. So dumb. Today I got a lot done and I can tell you right now its because Frame is gone! Haha, got to see Baird for a little bit too. Did all of my laundry, slept in, set out my stuff for tomorrow, cleaned and organized. I am in my bunk now and just relaxing hoping to get rid of this cold. Today began the situps and pushups challenge, I haven't done any and I'm not going to today, just tired. I think from just being sick. So, hopefully tomorrow I'll be way better, its not like me to want to just chill out in the room. I am going to relax a little more then crash to get started for the work week. Goodnight all!