2 random notes, my shoulder hurts insanely bad like right where it attatches to your collarbone. BAD. Weird. On another random note, this blog looks very not me, I should fix it. When I figure out how of course.
Do you ever notice that sometimes you love something but you don't do it? I wonder why that is. Clearly, I love rugby. I went to a Mid-South Association meeting today and ran into Kerry from the Chattanooga women's team. And she really wants me to come out and play with them again. And, I really want to come out and play with them again. What is holding me back? Why am I preventing myself from something that I love so much? Yes,I'm hurt, but I played last semester. Why not this one too? No, I don't know the team as well as I know my Lee girls but I'm not afraid of getting to know them. Yes, my knee I'm worried about but I've never had an injury keep me before. But, Anna isn't here. My partner in crime on the field. Am I foregoing a thrill, an adrenaline that I thrive off of because she's not here? I have no earthly clue. I love rugby. Or, maybe I love what rugby used to be. What is keeping me from hitting the pitch again? Why am I becoming so serious? So...not myself. So stressed. I hate it. Optimisim is my thing. Its what sets me apart from the crowd, my positivity. I think this last month or so has been a real whirlwind. Financial craziness, awful weather, everything is so weird and inconsistent. And the guy stresses. UGH. 2 guys trying to get with me for the wrong reasons and then one who can't even manage to be my friend. And all in all, I have felt like crap. My friend Matt put it very plainly tonight, "get rid of the drama from your life". Which, is people. Guys who want something more than friendship from me. I don't want a relationship. I don't want to even think about it. I want my family and friends. That's it. I want rugby. I want my sports. I want my army life. I WANT. Yes, I WANT. Me me me. Because you can't always play nice. You can't always be polite. People make the world a difficult place but people make the world an amazing place. I never realized how hard it is to find good people who are truely there for you. You're not really my friend if you are constantly downing me, really not wanting a friendship from me but a romantic relationship. YOU'RE NOT A FRIEND FIRST. And that's what I want. I have a friend who I still would date in a heartbeat. But, he doesn't want or need that right now, a romantic relationship. And I respect that. I will treat him no less. I still want that friend in my life. Why? BECAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND. So, tomorrow I will do what I do. Hit the rugby pitch again, do the Army thing. And be a great friend. Also, time to get back on track with God, keep that communication up, because ultimately, HE will fill me up. Nothing or no one else. So, thanks my Lord, for small miracles.
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