Blame It On The Alcohol

Today was an interesting day. A day that I have been looking forward to for a few weeks now. I can't say it disappointed, because it didn't, I had fun. It is just something I am not sure I care to relive again. All week, I had been planning to get drunk at my friends 80s party and just really enjoy myself with friends that I love. Well, me being the awesome alcoholic(NOT), it didn't take much to feel like shit. 1 cup of coconut rum and fuze followed by Cocaine, the game not the drug, really did me in. Needless to say, I went and layed down on the couch, got up and proceeded to drink more and then layed down on the couch again. The 2nd time I woke up everyone was drunk it seemed. We had a dumbass do a dumbass thing but we won't get into the nitty gritty details. A whole lot of talking shit about others, which even drunk it made me mad. I am not a huge fan of two-faced people. ESPECIALLY when we are all in the Army together. You don't leave a battle out to dry or beat him down when he's not even there to defend himself. Because then, it just makes you a gossipy middle school girl. It was a lot to take in. And its definitely not my scene. Let me emphasize once again that I have no qualms with what was going on today for the most part. However, I DO feel like it made me realize I really like my boring life. I like seeing people drunk, getting tipsy enough to giggle and have a good time. I do not like feeling like shit or drunk texting or being needy. All happen when I am drunk. I hate it. They say your "true colors" show when you're drunk. I don't believe that, I think it brings out the worst in people. Well, maybe not everyone, but definitely me. Today I was overly competitive, lazy and worst of all, NEEDY. NEEDY AS HELL. All I wanted was for someone to sit on the couch with me and let me hold their hand. Ugh. To sum it all up, I wasn't proud of myself, I'm better than that. This isn't about morals and drinking, promise, its about how I hold myself to a higher standard than what I was today and I slacked because I wasn't in control of my actions like I should have been. But that game was way fun and I did do good. And darts was a very fun challenge. Made me slightly angry but thats okay. There is more on my mind. Alot more, but I choose not to disclose. Mostly because I'm not sure how to explain what I feel at the moment. So once I sort it out and can articulate things, I will be sure to vent/share.