History In The Making

Well since I can't really sleep I think its a good time to write maybe that will help =) These past few weeks have truely been a whirlwind. And challenging. Its very hard to be in the midst of things and not see that they are really shaping you and making you a better person, no matter how negative your feelings are towards the situation at that moment. I just want to say I've been on this country music kick for the last few weeks and its fun because the music is happy, how I like it. I really, really hate flaws. Yes, we all have them but I don't like flaws that you have a hard time fixing. I know, I KNOW I'm not perfect but I like that because I think it gives me character. I like that maybe I can't be good at basketball or bowling or something else thats harmless. But when your flaws affect others, it makes me feel really bad, simply put. I have a friend from work who is genuinely that, a FRIEND. He's 24, married and has an adorable little boy. I think the world of him, I think he's a really great man. But thats it, I'm not attracted to him. Well, he has recently been texting me a lot. I have never texted him first. But the conversation is really innocent. He'll text me things such as, "I think I caught loseritis from hanging out with you this week". And let me point out that we have never hung out one-on-one nor talked about it. He came to dinner last week with a group of people from our CLS class and we ran together for a PT test that same week. Well, I know that I'm the kind of person thats a big doofus and I do things that people go home and off-handly mention to their families or whoever. So I'm guessing he does the same thing to his wife. Which, to me says that you have nothing to hide, when you don't mention a person who you see a lot at all and avoid the topic thats a red flag. But, I guess it made her mad. Well, she has known about me for a while now and I'm not really sure why but she texted me tonight apologizing saying that she "has had it our for me for the past 4 weeks". Its scary, to think that you can make enemies like that. Ok, thats a little dramatic but it really bothers me that someone who didn't even know me would so strongly dislike me. I can understand where she's coming from and I think I handled it okay. But its still sucky =( I don't ever text him! He texts me! I have a very strong sense of right and wrong I feel like and if I know my intentions are good, I don't care how it appears because I have nothing to hide. Anywho! That was an event from tonight. And it got me thinking about how young and dumb and naive I am, yet again. Lol. Yet, I'm okay with it. But because of the people I surround myself I am so eager to grow up. I want people to know that I can handle anything thrown my way but I will never lose my childish side if I can help it. I hate not knowing and understanding, people tend to forego explaining things because of my age. I can handle anything. I am convinced. I like the turns in and out of life but at times consistency is so comforting and I think thats what I'm craving right now. That core group of people and a routine. My job offers the nice routine and I am surrounded by a great group of people. I am bummed that I seem to have lost my Lee friends. I had the best group of guy friends that I saw all the time and we did something different all the time. But I could count on them for that great time. Now I feel stuck inbetween because at the moment I'm not a college student but I'm not a person raising a family or in a serious relationship keeping much together. I feel like a drifter. The best way I know how to describe this feeling is that now would be a great time to disappear and do something I've always wanted to, such as a missions trip. Really get something out of it and return refreshed having learned about others. This post is all over the place. Haha. Lets see. Summer is coming up. It will be busy with AT and 42A school but I like a busy life. And I need to learn to be all about Army. I kind of am already though =) Can't wait to see where all this will lead. Life is astouding, to say the least. I know what I want but will it turn out the way I imagine? No, definitely not. Will it tur out like I want? I'm easy to please so I reallyyyyyy hope so. Because if I don't accomplish the things I want to in my lifetime...UGH! Lol. Goodnight world =)