I've hit on this several times, but I want to say it again. I am so glad to be here. It sounds sooo bad, but I don't want to be at home. Thankfully, I have no serious anyone or kids so its easy. I realize its not for everyone, but I am grateful I feel this way. Geesh. I am still young but looking around at my battle buddies, young and old, it just seems like baggage. I hate that it sounds like that, but you can't do what you want without hurting someone. I know being a doctor and especially one in the Army, it will really compromise my family time. But for me, a significant other doing what he loves is what makes me happy...seeing THEM happy. I think people start feeling neglected and thats where it starts. But when you start feeling neglected I think its a lot of jealousy. I don't want that...ever. Sigh. Its just disheartening =(
Another thing I was thinking about, my MSG talked to me last night and asked me if I knew time in service and time in grade were waived in country for promotions to E5 and E6. I told her I didn't, but it was good to know (I was thinking in terms of what my job entails) then she asked me if I was ready to be an NCO. First thought came out of my mouth, of course, because I have no filter. And I said "Hell no". She laughed and then said to think about it and I told her to ask me in like June...or July...or in a year. Well, today we actually did training and holy shit. Maybe I'm undermining what it really takes to do everything. BUT I KNOW there's no reason to have an OPORDER out yesterday morning and AFTER I completed my mission...today...at1400, THEN I find out about the OPORDER?! REALLY?! No. Thats ridiculous. And, not to mention my TC today only told me when to go Green and Red, had no idea why I was driving around...at all. I didn't know until the OTCs told me! He asked me and I was honest with him..."WTF, we had an OPORDER yesterday morning and a FRAGO this morning? Really?" Yea, I hate being clueless but what I hate more is when you TRY to get info and you're told, "an E4 doesn't need to know everything" Right, I don't care what another group is doing...but, um, HELLO, I THINK I need to know what I'M doing! So, idk if I'm ready to be a leader but I will do much better. I will do my job like I do everything. If I fail, I will fail face down and admit it. But I'm no idiot. If I want to be successful at something, I do okay. And my okay is better than some people's best. I don't care how cocky that sounds. If its more than I bargained for I am okay with handling the repercussions. Holy crap. Today was okay. I was irritated in the morning. I am afraid I am accepting the imperfections. Which, personally, I don't think is good. Because if you start saying its okay you just encourage the mistakes. I trust my leaders to promote me when they deem it acceptable and necessary. And when that time comes, I will embrace it with the best attitude and open arms. I'm ready to help be a problem solver. Something I am EXTREMELY proud of, I am getting some kind of patience! =)
Lets see, my CPX love is still MIA. This is a game for me right now. And a very fun one. Rev was in my group today and told me about him. Hahaha. So funny. So cute. I like some fun, its a great form of relief.
I wish my body armor wasn't a size too big, it really hurts! But, oh well, if they let me fix it I will. I can put both of my arms inside my vest...that's very bad. I'm wishing I would have gone running, I'm tired from today but my legs want to run. Love that, I really am glad my knee and feet have been feeling so good due to the recovery stuff and shoes! That's all I got. Oh! Almost! My little cousins are so cute =) I sent them a pic of me in all my gear and they just loved it =) I love seeing them too. Its really sweet. I miss my sweet girls! Okay, that is really all now.
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