Felt Good On My Lips

Okay, the title of this post doesn't have much to do with the post, just REALLY love that song and its stuck in my head.

Here is the big, HUGE thing that's been weighing on me that I haven't mentioned up until now. I was not sure until 10:45am this morning if I would be deploying or not. Basically, I scheduled one last doc appointment beginning of Dec so I could get allergy medicine, get some advice for over there, blah blah. Trying to keep myself up! Well, my doc knew cancer runs in my family and did some routine tests for the lab and I got back some bad results. Convinced that it should be taken seriously given my family's history, he referred me to a specialist. They did further tests and decided to do a biopsy last week on me. The last words the doctor said to me were, "either nothing is wrong with you and your cells are just abnormal or you have cancer." Oh. Geesh. Thanks doc. And then I proceeded to ask the doctor if I could just take chemo with me and check in once we returned. Needless to say, I got a very stern talking to and he told me that it wasn't something to risk. So. Test results wouldn't be able to be reported to me until today at 10:45am. Christmas break sucked. New Years was stressful and until today, I had really been avoiding getting worked up over this deployment because words can't describe how crushed I would have been. This sounds so so SO silly but let me give y'all a little history. I swore I would never join the military...and ESPECIALLY not the Army. I grew up in a hell hole known as Fort Bragg, NC and it was embarrassing, some of those "soldiers". Incredibly arrogant douchebags. Fun, but insane. So 2 years into a premed degree when I had that gut instinct to join, I went with it. Scary, wasn't at ALL my cup of tea and it worked out. As soon as I got to my unit, I was told we were deploying. I wrote a letter to my commander asking to deploy with the unit and release me from my contract that kept me in school and out of deployment. It was such a huge deal when I signed up and now it meant nothing to me. I'm already a year ahead of my class, who cares? I can come back and finish. I KNOW I will. But right now, my priorities are with the Army. It is a huge deal for me. I simply can't explain it. My Aunt told me that whether or not I deployed, everything happened for a reason. And, this is what got me, she said: "Jamie, I'd hate to think or even say this but, what if something bad is going to happen and you weren't there and out of harm's way. God may be protecting you." I lost it. And you may never know what I mean unless you feel the way about the military like I do. IF something bad happens to MY unit. I AM supposed to be there. That is what I was MADE for!!! This is MY UNIT! I HAVE to be there if anything were to happen!!! It would break my heart if one drop of blood was lost and I could have been there to do something. Of course, she didn't understand. Anyways. That is why this deployment meant the world to me. Our unit is a mess. But its MY mess. And we are what we are, its my unit and I am a part of that disaster. I am a piece to that puzzle. Anywho. That is my big Hooah Hooah spill. I AM deploying, everything is fine, just something weird that my doc agreed to keep a close eye on so it hopefully doesn't develop into anything. So...I'M GOING TO DEPLOY!!! And, I couldn't be happier. In the mean time, I haven't been able to plan one way or another because I didn't know what to plan for...chemo, surgery or deployment. Now, I'm super far behind and have a ton to do.

Today, brought my paperwork in that cleared me. We had SUCH a busy day at the armory. Left there, ran a bajillion errands and didn't get out of my ACUs till about 6:30pm....we were released at 3pm. Went to dinner with the battles, went to karaoke one last time. Lots of support from everyone, it was sweet. Tomorrow one last lunch with Papa Scottie, he's wanting to take Beck and I to lunch so tomorrow we go. And then my mom, sister and her best friend will be here at about 2am. Have to pack my A and B bags...and a C bag since I have no rucksack. And clean the house and take everything to goodwill and finish gathering paperwork and do laundry and spend one last night with some friends. Seems impossible. But, that's what we're here for, to do way more than we ever thought possible. Even if it just means getting a lot done in one night =)